My phone buzzed Tuesday afternoon with a Venmo request from Josh for $18.40, labeled "pizza owe u." He owes me. I'm sending it anyway. Some habits are hard to break, and some I don't want to.
But that little request is a good example of how much has changed. Josh moved into an apartment near campus full time in August 2024. It's been a little over a year, so I went back through the green notebook and Emily's spreadsheet and compared our twelve months before he left with the twelve months since.
What went down
These are monthly averages, rounded to the dollar:
- Groceries: $835 down to $585. A 21-year-old boy home for the summer eats like a crew of roofers.
- Gas for the vehicles: $318 down to $214. Nobody borrowing the F-150 to drive to a friend's in Mason, and since June, no commute for me.
- Money sent to Josh: $265 down to about $70. His co-op terms pay real wages now, and he covers his own rent.
- Eating out and pizza: $140 down to $95.
- Household stuff like paper towels, shampoo and laundry soap: $95 down to $60.
- Home and auto insurance: down about $52 a month since October 1, when we moved both policies to a new bundle through an independent agent. Josh is still on the car policy for now.
Add it up and it comes to about $665 a month less than before, or roughly $8,000 a year. When I saw the total, I put the pencil down and went and got a cup of tea.
Where it went instead
Here's the funny thing. Our checking account didn't feel $8,000 richer. Money doesn't just pile up. It finds somewhere to go. So I followed it.
The biggest piece went to the mortgage on purpose. Since May we've been paying $800 a month extra, and we plan to be done in March. That one decision used up more than all of the kid savings combined.
The second piece went to replacing my paycheck. I left my job at the school in June. The bookkeeping job I started in September brings in about $1,000 a month, which is wonderful, but it is a lot less than I used to bring home. Some of the "kid money" is quietly filling that hole.
Third, health insurance. Since July I've been on Greg's plan, and his employer adds a $100 monthly charge for a spouse who could have had other coverage. Over a year, that's $1,200 of the kid savings right there.
Fourth, the house. Our homeowners policy jumped 22% at the July renewal, from $1,486 to $1,812, before we shopped it. The water heater died on July 9 and cost $1,650 installed. Neither of those had anything to do with the kids, but they landed in the same year, and the kid savings absorbed them.
And fifth, my mother. I'm in Middletown more often since she turned to me for help with Medicare this fall. More gas, more lunches out, a new shower chair, a printer cartridge. I don't begrudge a dime of it.
What I learned
I used to think the money we spent on the kids would simply show up in savings once they left. It doesn't work that way unless you tell it where to go. The months we had a plan, like the extra mortgage payment, the money went where we wanted. The months we didn't, it leaked into restaurant lunches and Menards runs.
So here's what we're doing differently starting this month. Every dollar we used to spend on the kids now has a job. I listed the categories that went down, added up the difference, and assigned it: mortgage extra until March, a little to savings, a little to a "house stuff" line for the next surprise. After March, when the mortgage is gone, we'll have a bigger decision to make, and I'll write about that when we get there.
One more honest note: the house is quieter, and some days I'd trade every dollar of this for the sound of Josh raiding the refrigerator at midnight. Then I look at the grocery receipts and I get over it.
I'm not a financial person by training, just someone who keeps receipts. If you've got a kid newly out the door, try this exercise. Compare a year before and a year after. You may be surprised which way it goes.
