Greg's alarm goes off at 3:40 every morning, so our date nights start at 5:00 and end by 8:00. Anyone who has seen us out on a Tuesday at Skyline at 5:15 next to the retirees and the families with toddlers can confirm that we are not exactly painting the town.
Back in April, a few weeks after we noticed we had started eating dinner in front of the TV every night, Greg and I made a deal. One night out a week, every Tuesday, with a $40 cap. Tuesday because nothing else happens on Tuesday, and $40 because we wanted a number small enough to keep doing for years, not a splurge we would quietly drop by June.
It has been six months, 27 Tuesdays from the first one on April 8 through this past week. I kept track, of course.
What we actually did
The green notebook says we went out 21 times and stayed home 6. Here is roughly how the 21 broke down:
- Cheap dinner out, 9 times. Chili, a Mexican place in Springboro, a diner in Miamisburg with pie. Average $31 with tip.
- A walk and ice cream, 5 times. The Great Miami River trail mostly, once at Caesar Creek. Average $9.
- Minor league or free events, 3 times. Two summer concerts in the park and one evening at a baseball game in Dayton on a discount night. Average $34.
- Movies, 2 times. Tuesday matinee pricing at 5:00, two tickets and one shared popcorn. $28 and $31.
- Something that was really an errand, 2 times. Once we went to Lowe's and called it a date. Greg bought a hose nozzle. I do not count that as romance but he does.
What it cost
The total over six months was $512, an average of about $24 per night out, or $19 per Tuesday if you count the nights we stayed home. We went over the $40 cap exactly once, at $46, the night of our anniversary in June, and we agreed in advance that one did not count.
Before we started, I would have guessed we spent nothing on going out. When I looked back at the spring before, we had actually spent around $70 a month on takeout on nights when one of us was too tired to cook and neither of us wanted to admit we were bored. That spending mostly went away, so the real added cost was smaller than $512. I would put it closer to $250 over six months.
The Tuesdays we stayed home
Six times we did not go. Twice because it was storming hard, once in May with hail that sent us to the basement. Once in July, the week the water heater died, because neither of us felt like spending a single dollar more than we had to after a $1,650 surprise. Once because Greg's knee was bad after a long route day. And twice because we just did not want to, and we said so.
Those count too. On those nights we made grilled cheese, put the Reds on the radio and sat on the patio. The rule was never really about leaving the house. It was about deciding, on purpose, to spend one evening a week paying attention to each other instead of to the bills and the yard.
Why it worked, and what changed
For about 25 years, our evenings belonged to homework, practices, and getting everybody fed. When the house went quiet last August, Greg and I were a little shy around each other, if I am honest. We knew how to be parents together and how to divide chores together. We had kind of forgotten how to just be out somewhere, the two of us, with no kid to pick up.
The cap helped more than I expected. When there is a number, nobody has to feel guilty, and nobody has to plan anything elaborate. Greg picks on odd weeks and I pick on even weeks. He picks chili most of the time. I have stopped arguing.
This fall things are busier. I started bookkeeping part time in September, and we just switched our home and auto insurance on October 1, which freed up about $620 a year. We are not putting that toward date night. But it does make $40 on a Tuesday feel easier to keep.
We are going to keep the rule through the winter, with one adjustment Greg proposed: when it is under 20 degrees, a pizza and a movie on the couch counts as out. I agreed. I have been married to him long enough to know a good deal when I hear one.
